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KiwiKing

Jokes Thread

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KiwiKing    33

Do you have a joke you want to tell? Post it on this thread! You can make jokes about politics and pop culture, monster truck jokes, one-liners, or even memes. If it's funny, put it here!

I'll start: What do you call a woman with a gambling problem?

Betty!

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KiwiKing    33
17 hours ago, dodge01 said:

*INCOMING OFFENSIVE JOKE* I would tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would kill me

That's dark, but clever. Lol.

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KiwiKing    33
3 hours ago, monsterjamfan16 said:

heres a joke! donald f*ck now gtfo

I'm no comedian, but I think that being mean for no reason isn't funny.

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Tylinater    236

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a Bald Eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: "Do you know that eating a Bald Eagle is a federal offense?"

Man: "Yes, I did. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."

Judge: "Proceed."

Man: "I got lost in the woods. I hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I knew that if I followed the eagle I could maybe steal the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the eagle. I figured that since I killed the eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."

Judge: "The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony."

15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.

Judge: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges. But if you don't mind the court asking, what does a Bald Eagle taste like?"

Man: "Well, your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe kind of between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl."

  • Upvote 2

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KiwiKing    33
17 minutes ago, Tylinater said:

*le bird joke*

I realized the joke was funny after finding out the condor and owl were endangered species through the Internet.

I'm an idiot. :wacko:

 

EDIT: I also just realized that "near threatened" isn't endagered.

I'm a massive idiot. :unsure:

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mdemko    2,910

A Muslim walks into a gay bar.

the bartender asks "what'll it be?"

Muslim says "shot's for everybody!"

 

Too soon? 

?

  • Upvote 2

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Tylinater    236

Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing golf.

They get on the first tee. Jesus is the first to tee off, just bombs one 300 yards right down the middle.

Next up is Moses, another beautiful shot down the middle, 280 yards.

Last up is the old man. He hits it 150 yards, hooks it, bounces off a tree and back into the fairway. Just then, a rat came out of the trees, put the ball in its mouth, ran all the way to the green and drops the ball in the hole for a hole in one.

Jesus looks at the old man and says "Nice Shot Dad!".

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